GUESS WHO IS A GRADUATE!

It's me. I'm graduating. Finally. Do I know what I am going to do with my degree in Archaeology? No.  Do I know that I have various skills and talents that would make me a great candidate as either a primary school teacher, a fifties-housewife, or costume technician at a museum or something? Yes.

We're working on it guys.

In the meantime, here's a picture of my best friend in a giant tea-cup that I cannot lift.

ESPECIALLY IF HE SHOUTS: "TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIX!" AT THE SKY

So this conversation with my best friend just happened.
Thank you auto-correct.

Friend:   I just bought a chocolate bar and juice at the (campus convenience) store. Paid 9 dollars.  
            Pretty good deal?
Me:      Oh my Jesus... stock up
Friend:  Crazy! This Twix bar better be worth it
Me:      George Costanza would be proud
Friend:  Hahaha you just made me want to go home and watch Seinfeld
Me:      Classic us
Friend: Our first Seinfeld moment is still by far my favourite Mormon of all time
          *Moment
Me:      I desperately want us to have a favourite Mormon of all time
Friend: lol I already have a favourite Mormon
           jk he's Amish

DEAR INTERNET: I'M SORRY I RAN AWAY

No excuses.
Except that insomnia, school, work, and writing actual writing (yaaaaaaaay!) has been keeping me from blogging.
Just those excuses.

I'm back now though! But only for a really quick post to let you all know that everything is completely normal.

My boyfriend came to say goodbye before heading home to BC for the week and looked absolutely terrified of actually coming into my apartment further than the rack of shoes by my door. From my post on the carpet I shouted:
"I know. It's scary in here. There are crayons all over the floor and the music is too loud. But it's safe. I am just creating."

CONVERSATIONS WITH MY SISTER: PULLING SOME HARRY POTTER SHIT

Siobhan: I have to listen to Some Nights. It's been in my head since hayes sang it while I made
             smoothies.


Sophie: Let's listen together. say when.
           and I will hit play
           and a portal will open


Siobhan: Play
             I think the portal opened in my fridge
             it started making weird noises.
         
             Where did you go?
             ARE YOU IN MY FRIDGE?!

THE BIRDS WOULD RATHER DIE THAN LISTEN TO ME COUGHING ANYMORE

Me:
8:28: The birds outside my window woke me up by sounding like they're being strangled by the thousands. I hope you got to wake up to something thoroughly less disturbing and obnoxious. Starships perhaps.
8:35- I just texted Sophie [about the birds] and used the phrase "on the other hand". My rudely awakened brain wrote "on the other ham" and I laughed and laughed. Imagine that was a saying?! The world would be infinitely more hilarious.
8:36- Good news, even though I feel physically worse today than yesterday, mentally I'm better and in good humour.

Hayes:
8:58: I'm glad you mentally feel better but on the other ham I wish you felt physically better.

--- end of texts because I basically died laughing ---

Hahahhahahahhahahahhahaaa! Ham... You guys, it gets me every time!

Shh. I said I felt better in the sense that I was in good humour. Not that I was any less stupid.

WAIT... I'M ENROLLED IN WHAT?

Happy Birthday to Canada (yesterday). Canada Day is actually one of my favourite days of the year. I like summer and picnics and fireworks and I absolutely love my country. I had to work so I wasn't picnicking, but I celebrated by bringing all my coworkers strawberry shortcake cupcakes. And my best friend and I had a few beers and joined our fellow Calgarians at the festivities downtown for a few hours once we were done selling small appliances to the NO CUSTOMERS that we had all day. We wandered for a while and were both tired and called it a night at around 9, which suited us both fine.I went to bed happy and exhausted, so I think that's a success.

Red and White and a Canadian Beer. Low key and classy. A rare occurance for me.

The other day I mentioned that I wore my pink dress that I made. This is probably the girliest picture of me in history. Why did I do that with my face? I don't understand. Jeeze... Anyway, it's pink. It's pretty. It helped me sell zero units of what I was demoing. Typical.

I certainly don't look like the kind of kid who would be taking a class entitled "Bang your head! The History of Heavy Metal" for the next 6 weeks. Admittedly I am enrolled in the class mistakenly after a serious miscommunication on the part of the school. They told me it was something else. It is not. But there is neither a textbook nor a final exam. I'll be learning about something I haven't learned before. We have presentations to do. I might play a facemelting solo on my ukulele. Bam. Instant A.

In other news, my allergies make it feel like there are tiny men in my ears mining for gold (gold being my genius ideas that my brain fabricates on occasion). I hope the heavy metal listening exams don't amplify this feeling. Because it quite honestly feels like this guy has just taken up residence in my ear canals:

Yes, he's been with me since March

This afternoon I am reading and writing and sewing and drawing and cleaning.

And napping. Gotta nap, it's pretty much as essential as breathing.

WHAT NOW, TRADITIONAL GENDER ROLES? WHAT NOW!?

To the customer at work yesterday:

Thank you for saying I'm a "total babe" while I:
a) looked like hell 
b) hated every second of demonstrating how to use the Jelly Belly Manual Ice Shaver (only $14.99! You supply the power!)

I occasionally require outside recognition that I can, in fact, be feminine. I did wear a pink dress that I sewed and designed today. Then I came home, changed into my man-shirt that I turned into a long tank top and no pants, and enjoyed 3 day old pizza and beer while watching The Walking Dead.

And made cupcakes and another dress.

It's a modern world we live in my friends. And I am glad. I am fairly certain Betty Draper would love to have been able to indulge in pizza and beer and pantsless-apartment wandering and gory shows about the undead. Maybe she would have been less of a biatch if she had done so every now and then. Sorry Betty. The truth hurts.

For the record, Mad Men bored me half to death. I only kept watching it because the constant quiet dialogue with lack of backing music made me feel like I wasn't ALWAYS home alone when I moved in to my apartment.

It could use some zombies.
I'm just saying.