NONONONONONO THIS IS NOT RIGHT

Generally speaking, I hate sewing with patterns. The instructions are basically throw-away-immediately -I'm-useless quality. The amount of alteration required once you actually sew the garment is usually so intensively I usually just feel that starting from scratch and inventing a pattern as I go takes the same amount of time in the end. 

Regardless, I bought a pattern today. I am making my Birthday Dress (there might be cupcakes involved) and I needed some help with the skirt part. As much as I love twirly circle and half-circle skirts, I need some different silhouettes in my wardrobe repertoire. So I picked this one: 

I don't know WHAT they were thinking with that pink silk monstrosity. It puckered like a bitch and the fly looks super awkward. Jeeze Burda, Nina Garcia would be all over your ass right now about  knowing your fabrics well enough to make wearable garments. Get it together.

Anyway, I started to cut the pattern out once I got it home and the line went on FOREVER. Kidding, it wasn't forever, but it was long enough for me to shout "Why is this so long? What is this?! A pattern for pants?!" Then I laughed because Zoolander is always so funny. And then I checked. It IS a pattern for pants. The pattern in the package is not at all what I paid for. These pants were just hiding in the skirt package waiting to spring themselves on some unsuspecting victim. They had to hide to be sold, because they are HORRIBLE. 

Behold: 

To borrow a quote from my favourite bloggers, "Pants what?"* 

I can't even...

Like... 

Sweet Caroline.

This is a heinous crime. These pants, I mean. They are terrible.

So.... does anyone want a pair? Maybe if I make them in baggy-shiny silver we can pretend they're Flash Pants?

PS: Patterns are non-returnable, and non-refundable. Whatever, I'll pay my $5 to get the skirt pattern, BUT WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE PANTS. Honestly.

PPS: I'm beyond elated that the Youtube clip caught the end of "1001 Dads." Arthur saying  "I have egg on my face!" is prime.

*Holy Moly, I actually just re-checked the Pants What link... THEY ARE THE SAME PANTS. I HAVE A PATTERN FOR FERGIE PANTS. NO GOOD SHALL COME OF THIS!