WAIT... I'M ENROLLED IN WHAT?

Happy Birthday to Canada (yesterday). Canada Day is actually one of my favourite days of the year. I like summer and picnics and fireworks and I absolutely love my country. I had to work so I wasn't picnicking, but I celebrated by bringing all my coworkers strawberry shortcake cupcakes. And my best friend and I had a few beers and joined our fellow Calgarians at the festivities downtown for a few hours once we were done selling small appliances to the NO CUSTOMERS that we had all day. We wandered for a while and were both tired and called it a night at around 9, which suited us both fine.I went to bed happy and exhausted, so I think that's a success.

Red and White and a Canadian Beer. Low key and classy. A rare occurance for me.

The other day I mentioned that I wore my pink dress that I made. This is probably the girliest picture of me in history. Why did I do that with my face? I don't understand. Jeeze... Anyway, it's pink. It's pretty. It helped me sell zero units of what I was demoing. Typical.

I certainly don't look like the kind of kid who would be taking a class entitled "Bang your head! The History of Heavy Metal" for the next 6 weeks. Admittedly I am enrolled in the class mistakenly after a serious miscommunication on the part of the school. They told me it was something else. It is not. But there is neither a textbook nor a final exam. I'll be learning about something I haven't learned before. We have presentations to do. I might play a facemelting solo on my ukulele. Bam. Instant A.

In other news, my allergies make it feel like there are tiny men in my ears mining for gold (gold being my genius ideas that my brain fabricates on occasion). I hope the heavy metal listening exams don't amplify this feeling. Because it quite honestly feels like this guy has just taken up residence in my ear canals:

Yes, he's been with me since March

This afternoon I am reading and writing and sewing and drawing and cleaning.

And napping. Gotta nap, it's pretty much as essential as breathing.

NONONONONONO THIS IS NOT RIGHT

Generally speaking, I hate sewing with patterns. The instructions are basically throw-away-immediately -I'm-useless quality. The amount of alteration required once you actually sew the garment is usually so intensively I usually just feel that starting from scratch and inventing a pattern as I go takes the same amount of time in the end. 

Regardless, I bought a pattern today. I am making my Birthday Dress (there might be cupcakes involved) and I needed some help with the skirt part. As much as I love twirly circle and half-circle skirts, I need some different silhouettes in my wardrobe repertoire. So I picked this one: 

I don't know WHAT they were thinking with that pink silk monstrosity. It puckered like a bitch and the fly looks super awkward. Jeeze Burda, Nina Garcia would be all over your ass right now about  knowing your fabrics well enough to make wearable garments. Get it together.

Anyway, I started to cut the pattern out once I got it home and the line went on FOREVER. Kidding, it wasn't forever, but it was long enough for me to shout "Why is this so long? What is this?! A pattern for pants?!" Then I laughed because Zoolander is always so funny. And then I checked. It IS a pattern for pants. The pattern in the package is not at all what I paid for. These pants were just hiding in the skirt package waiting to spring themselves on some unsuspecting victim. They had to hide to be sold, because they are HORRIBLE. 

Behold: 

To borrow a quote from my favourite bloggers, "Pants what?"* 

I can't even...

Like... 

Sweet Caroline.

This is a heinous crime. These pants, I mean. They are terrible.

So.... does anyone want a pair? Maybe if I make them in baggy-shiny silver we can pretend they're Flash Pants?

PS: Patterns are non-returnable, and non-refundable. Whatever, I'll pay my $5 to get the skirt pattern, BUT WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE PANTS. Honestly.

PPS: I'm beyond elated that the Youtube clip caught the end of "1001 Dads." Arthur saying  "I have egg on my face!" is prime.

*Holy Moly, I actually just re-checked the Pants What link... THEY ARE THE SAME PANTS. I HAVE A PATTERN FOR FERGIE PANTS. NO GOOD SHALL COME OF THIS!

THE ZIPPER IS LIKE SHARK TEETH!!

Yes, it's as friggin' comfortable as it looks. Jelly yet?

Also, I figured out how to fold them as neatly as compactly as a hoodie (though this picture is all onesies, no hoodies for comparison). Admire the fine craftsmanship regardless. ADMIRE IT.

.

 I also folded a fitted sheet into a perfect little square today. My work experiences are clearly paying off.

I'M ON A DEADLINE!

This is, by a long shot, not my finest work.
Wobbly seams.
Lining is wonky inside.
Zipper was too long.
The whole thing is bigger than I'd anticipated.

But I still pretty much love it.

 "We got no troubles, life is the bubbles"

I think it's the lobsters.

Anyway, I'll probably tweak it a bit at a later date (ie. next week) but I'm on a tight schedule. I still have 2 and a half onesies to sew. And I have to pack and clean before I leave at 8am for a road trip with my dear friends and some ukuleles and a lot of fleece loungewear.